Oh gads, you guys, this has been the worst week, but it's also been the best. Kind of just an all around odd week. I got all my test results back on Friday and they came back fine. No spread of the cancer and as of this moment in time I'm still in the cancer clear. I was so friggin' relieved, you can't even imagine. But though my health seems to be back on track, it sort of hit a switch and caused some sort of change in me. I've sat down a number of times to try and go through my country news and for some reason my heart just isn't in it. I'm not exactly sure why. Not sure if it was the stress, the stress relief, the fatigue, the whatever, I just couldn't sit down and write. Maybe it was just overwhelming because I've got basically five days of news and gossip sitting there staring at me, waiting for me to tackle it. I honestly don't know why the simple task of doing something that just a week ago was basically my passion is now so difficult.
But whatever it is I've come to one conclusion - I've got to slack off on my site if I ever hope to have my financial life back in order. For the last year I've worked basically 10-15 hours a day on NashvilleGab. I know that seems like overkill, but it was my passion and it didn't bother me to sit here looking for interesting stuff to bring you guys. Like I said, it was my passion and I had very high hopes for it. But above all that I was having so much fun. Then came the recognition and the accolades and that just fueled the fire. Unfortunately recognition, praise, and accolades don't bring in the bucks. Oh sure, I sell the once-in-a-while advertising and get a hundred bucks every few months from Google, but when you have $50,000 or $60,000 in hospital bills staring at you, the occasional $100 bucks just doesn't quite cut it.
This site has never been about money, it's been about me following a dream and doing something I absolutely love - but like all things, sometimes reality sets in and ruins all the fun. This latest cancer scare was a slap in the face, a wake up call that it's time to put my family and finances first and get busy taking care of all that before chasing my dreams. All I keep thinking is had my cancer spread it could have meant another $50,000 in hospital bills, if not more. And god forbid should I die, what would become of my husband and kids? I'm sorry, this is such a downer, but it's what I've been wrestling with for the last week. I've had a hundred different things going through my brain and strangely none of them had to do with this site. I've felt guilty about not sitting here doing what I love doing, but only mildly guilty. I guess that's sort of the switch that I was talking about earlier.
So anyway, on Friday after I found out all my tests were fine and I was, for now, in the clear, I made the decision to take a second job. I figure if I can sit here and work 10-15 hours a day on my website chasing my dream and doing what I love, I could channel that energy into something that will actually be of benefit to my family and bring in money to make us a little more secure - in case my tests aren't always good in the future. Like I said in a previous post, I'm not shutting the site down, I just will be working on it around the other stuff I've got going on, it'll have to take second place (or maybe even third place) to the other stuff that I've in the last year forgot were more important. It's funny how the universe will sometimes send a very huge wake-up call to get you back on track.
One thing I've learned in the last week from all of your comments and emails is that you guys are the greatest and I love you all as if you were my real family. I guess family comes in all shapes, sizes, and distances. The only reason I'm sitting here writing this whole long spiel is because I don't want anyone thinking I've abandoned them or the site. I'm still here and hopefully once I get my financial self back in order I'll be able to quit one of my jobs and be back here full-strength in the roll of the country music gossip diva you all have grown to know.
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